After TSW: What I have learnt one year on...

Quite simply, a year ago today I realised I had recovered from Topical Steroid Addiction. A flippant way of putting it but for me it was a sudden, immensely wonderful and in equal measure, bloody disconcerting thing. Apart from two separate issues on my hands and the odd minor rash, I've had what can only be described as dreamy skin. When I was really in the throes of withdrawal, I never expected it would be like this - at the time I had no idea what damage I would be left with after the beating my skin took and I didn't know if there would be any trace of the elephant skin that we all know too well. What has amazed me is for how destructive TSW is, it's like nothing ever happened and if anyone saw me and I said to them 'Yeah, for over two years I was pretty much housebound with a bad skin condition', I wouldn't even believe myself. Pre-TSW my skin was worryingly thin to the point you could see a scary amount of veins showing through, especially on my face and arm creases. Now they have all gone. Not only is my skin healthier and thicker, but the quality and colour of it is so much better. I am not saying this is a happily ever after but I am telling you that for this moment, I couldn't be happier. On yet another big landmark, I thought I'd mark it by discussing a few things that I've learnt about myself and TSW in the past year:

• When I first got better I made quite a few YouTube videos and in one of them: '5 Positives from my Topical Steroid Withdrawal' (here) I talked about the fact that I had more self-belief and had had the opportunity to really think about things. Now I realise I hadn't even scratched the surface and recently it's become apparent I have a lot of work to do. I am stronger for going through TSW and because of that, it's given me the courage to face some really tough emotional challenges head on - it's going to take some time but if I can get through 2+ years of withdrawal, I know I can do this.
• The small moments are the most precious. I said this in my last post but to feel the sun on my skin is something I don't think will ever get old ... apart from me getting all the premature wrinkles :-/ Also being able to wear black and whatever fabric I want without feeling uncomfortable is pretty darn great too - but the list is truly endless.
• It makes you realise what is important and just how special it is to be with the people you love and care about. In the last year, the simple act of having a day out with my mum or going out with a friend to have a meal or drink is still novel and simply wonderful.   
• The knowledge that this is MY skin and not an illusion created by using a dangerous drug is a pretty incredible feeling after spending, what felt like, most of my life shackled to various creams, ointments, topical steroids and other immunosuppressants. 
• Your health is everything. The end.
• The TSW community is the BEST <3
• Doubt, fear and anxiety are by far the worst symptoms of TSW.
• Lastly, I haven't got a bloody clue what triggers or helps symptoms of TSW. In the last year when I've gotten rashes etc, apart from a couple of isolated issues, I am still none the wiser what caused them. In conclusion, and I've said this before, my theory of the moment is that TSW is the biggest diva going and it will do whatever the hell it wants, whenever the hell it wants. Time is the only real healer.

I am sure there are many, many more but these are what came to mind first and to me, they are the most important. It won't feel like it, especially if you are really suffering at the moment, but you will get better. It's a long, immensely tough process - especially with 99.9% of people around you probably telling you that TSW doesn't exist. 

Trust your instincts and stay strong.

Cara xxxx

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