My Topical Steroid Withdrawal update – Month 34

Yet another month has passed (how?!) and today I hit 34 months since I started Topical Steroid Withdrawal. It's been a crazy month in every way possible and there is a lot to discuss so I better get cracking:

• For most of the month apart from Verbier (which I will discuss below), my skin has continued to go from strength to strength. I had a random faint rash on my face for a few days (which I have included a picture of later in this post) and a one-day small issue on my hands on Friday 18th March (picture also included below).
• I had alcohol on 19th March for the first time since I started TSW and had absolutely NO reaction to it whatsoever (YAY!). It was the last thing I was avoiding just in case anything happened so to know I can have it now and not worry is absolutely fabulous.
• Just before I went away to Verbier, I noticed my skin coming up a little on my hands and I also had chapped lips and a faint small rash on my left arm. 
• When I went to Verbier in Switzerland for work on the 26th March my skin had a similar reaction to the last time I went in December/January - I have a video and blog post all about that trip here. Below are a few things I wanted to talk about in more detail from my experience this time around:

From the beginning of my trip, as my skin was already coming up before I left, it quickly got redder and more cracked on my hands, plus a little bit on my lips - although I have to say in the grand scheme of things, it was relatively mild and didn't affect me at all BUT on Friday 1st April I had really irritated skin on my hands and the rash I had on my left arm, spread and worsened. I also found the rash I had on my legs a few months ago start to resurface. This time when my skin came up though I knew it was more down to washing my hands a lot, wearing rubber gloves for a long period of time that day, eating real irritant foods plus many other things. The next day the irritation calmed right down but I was left with very sore skin. The rashes continued to calm down over the next few days and since returning to the UK on Sunday 3rd April, the recovery has been rapid to say the least! I am amazed by how my skin is now and it is wonderful over time how the areas of skin affected are decreasing - I didn't have any reaction whatsoever on my face bar my lips (which were definitely better than my last trip) and the skin itself was incredible! I want to say again that this was a work trip where I was dealing with a very different altitude and working long hours - if I went there to relax and not work it would have been a totally different story. It would appear that the last place I really have an issue is my hands and if I think about it logically, my hands are a year behind every other part of my body to get better so it's the case of just waiting it out. Even with everything that happened to my skin while I was away, it didn't really hinder me and I was still able to get on with my job. Also, this time when I was away I went a little crazy with the food - I'm not talking about the wonderful bread, cheese and chocolate that came my way (of which there was plenty), I'm talking about the crappy extras that I knew would be bad for me - and oddly, I didn't want but ate anyway because it was there.

I also want to mention that while I was away on Wednesday 30th March I came into contact with the ear drops Panotile that contain the steroid Fludrocortisone. Even though I had a few skin issues in Verbier, it appears that I had no reaction to the steroid itself so that is wonderful news as I have been curious about that for a while.

Lastly, I am still of the opinion that when my arms and legs start to come up it is more down to not looking after myself than TSW. I have talked about this in a blog post here. On top of everything I threw at my skin, I was averaging about 5/6 hours of sleep a night and not looking after myself. As per, I haven't got a damn clue what the hell really triggers my skin but as time passes, patterns are emerging - who knows, I'll probably be back next month with another set of theories.

What a month!

Stay strong guys, it DOES get better.
Cara xxx

A selection of photos from the last month (WARNING: it's very picture-heavy):

Next are two sets of photos from the same day - the first 4 are taken in the afternoon, the second 3 are taken late in the evening after a long day working, using rubber gloves for hours, eating high irritant foods plus many other skin no-nos.

AFTERNOON

LATE EVENING

The F word: FEAR

Continuing on from my post about doubt here I wanted to talk about another emotion that plagues Topical Steroid Withdrawal: fear. TSW throws many challenges our way but the toughest ones by far are invisible to the naked eye (and that's saying something). This post has been a long time coming as it's something that has definitely been there, simmering away, since I got better last August. The joy of having great skin for the first time in over two years was immense but for a while I expected that it wouldn't last. It didn't stop me from living life to the full but it was there, the fear that I could flare at any time. I remember when I got a few rashes again after a couple of weeks of clear skin my fear went into overdrive - that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that things would go back to the way they were. Then, late one Saturday night when I thought I was going to flare, I cried for hours. The next morning my skin calmed back down but it definitely didn't stop me from feeling scared.

When I moved to London last November, my skin came up slightly on my hands and again this vicious emotion reared it's ugly head - you start working out approximately 1,000 contingency plans of what you can do if you flare and can go from the happiest place on earth to the darkest in the space of seconds. All the memories from when it was bad come to the surface and you could easily sink into a black hole if you let yourself. Yet again, when I went to Switzerland last December, my skin started coming up and in my head I was already planning how I could get out of the country and move back in with my mum. It's a shame as because of that, I truly missed out on the beauty of where I was - I was surrounded by this literal winter wonderland and instead all I could see were dark clouds. Once more, my skin quickly calmed down. I am writing this from Switzerland but this time my mindset is totally different - I feel my skin coming up slightly on my lips and hands but I have decided to embrace this experience and just live for every moment and even though I am here for work, I am loving every minute of it.

(I should quickly say that the skin 'problems' I have experienced since I got better have been minor and not impacted my life - for the most part it's been the best skin of my life!)

For me TSW has been incredibly positive and I couldn't feel more grateful for the experience but I think with this blog I need to cover absolutely everything that I have gone through. I am getting more and more emails from you all about anxiety and I want you to know you are not alone. Also, I feel this is very important to mention: don't feel you have to be 'I'M SO POSITIVE!' every moment of the day - it's impossible to feel like that and sometimes you just need to give in to those emotions and ride with them because they will pass.

We are all in this together.
Cara xxx