Since admitting on my Instagram account and blog back in November 2016 that I suffer from both Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania, I have received a lot of comments and messages from others asking me for tips that might help them, too.
I have thought a lot about this and realised there isn’t one clear-cut answer – more a collection of things I’ve applied to my life that together have really helped me. In the past, I’d seen people dishing out advice to use toys and such to play with, so you keep your hands busy, but tips like that always felt like a disaster waiting to happen. I mean, there were times where I used to fantasise about being put in a straightjacket to physically restrain myself from getting to my skin, so when you throw in the suggestion of a damn toy, it ain’t going to cut it … let’s be real though, if I had been given the wonderful opportunity to wear a straightjacket for a period of time, but also knew there was a hair I needed to get out, somehow, I would have acquired superhuman strength and ripped the jacket off to pull the offending hair out. This is to say really that it takes a lot to deter someone from picking or pulling when they are in the zone, and if you suffer from Trich and/or Derma, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
Before I continue, I think you need to understand that these tips aren’t a miraculous cure and your days of Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania are numbered – they are simply a group of suggestions that have helped me reach a point where I have been pretty much scab free for a number of months now and have AN ACTUAL BEAUTY ROUTINE where I can freely shave my legs. Trust me, even saying something like that still feels pretty surreal. It is something I had wanted very badly for a number of years, and the freedom of knowing there are no wounds on my body and only a few scars is just wonderful. I shall continue to apply these tips to my life so that I can hopefully continue to stand victorious over Trich and Derma. Yes, this is something I’ll have to work at for a long time, but think of it like a diet – you do all these things to lose weight, but that doesn’t mean at the end of it you can go back to eating ALL the food. You need to find some kind of balance that you can maintain and live with for the rest of your life.
These tips are with my own journey and problem areas in mind, which is pretty much everywhere but the hair on my head, and I have split the tips up into two categories: PHYSICAL & MENTAL. There are fewer physical tips than mental ones as I truly believe the real work, like most things, is done in your mind. At the end, I have also included a list of things that on the surface might appear to be obvious, but to anyone dealing with either Trichotillomania or Dermatillomania (or both like me) are philosophies that must be truly learned and might save you a bit more time than me – over sixteen years to be exact.
To anyone reading this, I really hope these tips help, but trust me when I say that I understand how hard it can be to stop. Having Trichotillomania and/or Dermatillomania is not an indulgent, trivial thing – it can be this all-consuming monster that feels like it is drowning you.
PHYSICAL
Wear cotton gloves. Normally my Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania would start more out of habit than anything and I’d do it without thinking, then by the time I realised what I’d done, it would usually be too late and I would have inevitably found something that I wanted to get out, whether it be a lump on my skin that I needed to investigate further or a thick, stubbly hair that was really annoying me. With that being said, the first port of call for me was to keep my hands covered as much as possible as my weakness is the feeling of something under my fingertips and the jarring against my skin of a spot or hair. I found cotton gloves immensely beneficial as it meant I could touch my skin but wouldn’t be able to feel anything as I had this barrier of thick material covering my Trich/Derma-hungry fingers. They are hard to keep on all the time if you are using a computer or laptop though as they tend to get in the way, but I find them helpful when I’m watching something and my hands aren’t busy.
Wear clothes that make it impossible to get to your skin. One of the worst places I have attacked my skin over the years is my legs that have taken such a bashing, I am amazed I only have a handful of faded scars left. I knew when I was serious about stopping that I needed to find a way of making it impossible for me to get to my legs as in the past I’d tend to pull the leg of my pyjamas/trousers up easily – again, more without thinking – and my eyes/fingers would get to work. When I am at home, I usually wear pyjamas, but as they all have loose bottoms (pardon me), I take some sticky tape and wrap it around the bottom of each leg so it means I can’t roll the material up easily and my laziness overrides the impulse. Tights are also the biggest faff and work just as well, making it harder for you to get to your skin and over time, you just won’t bother trying in the first place. Polo necks are great, too, if you have an issue with your breasts – basically try wearing clothes that are a lot of bother to take off.
Watch videos of others with Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania. I may not have joined any forums or online Trich/Derma communities, but I did watch a fair few videos of others that had Trichotillomania and found them immensely helpful.
Create a photo album of people with clear skin as a sort of goal. Regardless of whether it was a film, magazine, or TV show, I’d always feel such a concentrated sense of sadness and regret if I saw another woman with lovely skin, then sometimes, if I felt bad enough, it would temporarily stop me from doing any damage. Back in October, when I decided I was serious about stopping, I created a little album on my laptop filled with photos of women with fabulous skin, and when I really struggled, and just wanted to pick or pull something, I’d look at this folder and it would sometimes stop me from doing any damage to myself.
Take a deep breath and put your hands in a Chandler Bing Pac-Man claw. This sounds very odd, I know, but if you aren’t sure what I’m talking about, Google
Chandler Bing Pac-Man and you’ll know what I mean – or think of it as if you are holding your fingers like you are Catwoman. I don’t know when I started doing this exactly, but I found that when I put my hands in a claw-like shape and took a deep breath, sometimes, the urge to pick or pull would completely die. Putting my hands like this sends the oddest sensation up my fingers and arms. Very strange indeed, but give it a go to see if it helps you.
Turn the light off in the bathroom. I hasten to say, do not put yourself in any danger as a dark, slippery bathtub or shower cubicle is only courting disaster, but every time I remembered, I would leave the door to the bathroom ajar, so there was enough light to see what I was doing and not run the risk of slipping to my death, but dark enough that I wasn’t able to see anything on my skin. In the past, the bathroom for me was a literal Trich/Derma playground – a place I could lock myself away under a bright light and just go to town.
A healthy diet. This is more of a tip to help scars fade, and might be more down to genetics, but I have always had fast healing skin when it came to things like scabs etc. and I am amazed by how few scars I have for the amount of damage I’ve done. I’m stunned to be honest, and I truly believe it is down to food. Even though my love for pizza and chocolate knows no bounds, I have always had a pretty healthy diet that is high in oily fish, avocados, blueberries and broccoli: skin food. In the last year especially, because of going through TSW, I have made my diet better still and now my scars and scabs heal even faster.
MENTAL
You have to really want it. This sounds like a bit of a no-brainer, but I think sometimes there is an odd sort of comfort and familiarity where Trich and Derma are concerned – almost a reluctance to stop because of the memories of those blissful moments leading up to picking/pulling that give you purpose, a feeling of being totally in control and so very secure. You then bask in the warm, contented glow of getting something out of your skin. You feel complete … for a moment at least before you realise what you have done and at times the wounds can feel like they have come out of nowhere – you think, how did that happen?! It’s like a drug – you want that satisfaction, that buzz, and you don’t want to come down and have to see the reality of it. There are times where I have spent hours picking and pulling and been left with this absolute emptiness of feeling after I have done it.
On 7th October 2016, something changed, and I finally really wanted to stop. I had been building up to it for a long time and just felt totally and utterly fed up, bored, frustrated – all of it – and knew that this time I HAD to do it. I didn’t want to spend my life hiding my skin and letting it rule what I could and couldn’t do. I wanted a free life, and I was ready to do anything to stop. Even now, there are moments where I still want to take the easy option and pick or pull something for the sake of it – return to the warmth, comfort and familiarity – but you have just got to push past those feelings and remember why you are doing it. If I wasn’t totally committed to stopping this time, I could have been wearing the thickest cotton gloves known to man that were sewn fast to my skin and nothing would have stopped me if it wasn’t something I wanted with all my heart. I really wanted it, and not only that, I wanted it entirely for myself.
Understanding that Trich and Derma are not your friends. Continuing on from my last point, Trich and Derma were these omnipotent forces that I turned to through the good times, the bad, and even the times in-between where nothing was happening because they were my security blanket. They feel like they are your friends, but on the contrary, Trich and Derma couldn’t care LESS about your feelings. They don’t want to help you, all they want to do is hurt you and make you feel bad about yourself.
Pause. Before you pull a hair out or pick a spot, ask yourself why you are doing it. Think about how you will feel after and what will happen to your skin when you have taken that irrevocable step forward. Visualise the wounds you will create, the red craters on your skin, the total numbness you’ll feel. It’s never worth it.
Don’t suffer in silence. Having Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania are not things to be ashamed of or there to make you feel dirty – they are simply compulsions you suffer from. I believe that Trich and Derma thrive on the secrecy we tend to keep them wrapped in – we are ashamed that we can’t control ourselves, so we keep them as close to our chest as possible, but by getting them out in the open, they are no longer things that fester and grow into something bigger and harder to manage. Trich and Derma are needy, they want you all to themselves, and so by admitting that you have either or both compulsions, you are weakening their hold over you. Neither of them likes exposure much, instead, they want to feast on the darkness. For years, my mum was the only person who really knew that I had Trich and Derma, but when I decided to try and stop, I slowly told more and more people until it was completely out in the open. It was empowering.
Taking control of YOUR skin. Always remember that it is you who is the one in control of your skin – not Trich or Derma,
YOU!
Make yourself aware of it every single moment of the day. I tried to be conscious of my compulsions as much as possible in a bid to stop myself from slipping into old habits and touching my skin because if I did that, it’d normally be too late as I had already found something I needed to terminate and nothing in the world would have stopped me from getting it out. I think that was the worst part for me – the habit was so ingrained that I did it without thinking and inadvertently sabotaged my own progress.
We are all human. Finally, I think the most important thing to understand is that everyone has their own demons so NEVER feel like the odd one out. If you were to take anything from these tips it would be to remember that everyone is fighting – some of us just know how to hide it a little better. We live in an age of social media and Photoshopping where everyone looks perfect and appears to lead perfect lives – they are not real, and behind those images lie something very different indeed.
THINGS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN … BUT DIDN’T
- Ingrown hairs always look better than the wreckage you cause trying to get them out.
- Spots disappear on their own and don’t need to be helped along by greedy fingers.
- Hairs are not the enemy. They are a part of you and are there to protect you.
- It’s OK to leave a hair alone – it doesn’t bite you if it stays where it is for too long. Nothing will happen; it will just continue to grow.
- Everyone has little quirks and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania are compulsions you don’t magically get cured of. You just have to find a way to live with them and not let them impact your life.
- Getting out just one hair is a bloody myth.
- Keeping your compulsion/s a secret is never a good idea. Like I said earlier, these kind of things feed on isolation.
- Again, you’ve got to realise that Trich and Derma are not your friends – they are not there to comfort you and tell you that everything is going to be OK, they are only there to hurt you.
- Picking or pulling something out is only a setback if you let it be one, and that isolated slip-up is nothing compared to the damage you do through guilt when you think you have blown it. Setbacks aren’t setbacks if you learn from them and not think you have failed.
