Sliding Doors: Five things for five years

If you know anything about me and my journey then you will know how much I value any milestone, especially when it comes to my skin story and battle with topical steroid addiction. After writing over 100 posts for this blog alone, I feel like I have said everything there is to say about TSW, leaving it hard to find subjects I haven't already covered. The idea for this post came to me on Sunday 20th May 2018, which is a pretty significant date in terms of my journey with TSW that I talked about in last year's anniversary post (here). In a nutshell, I had a bit of a turning point on that date five years ago and knew I had to change my life and since then, I've been on a rocky road to self-improvement ever since.

Sliding doors is a concept that fascinates me and I always wonder what would have happened if I didn't have eczema, hadn't used topical steroids to treat it, hadn't got bullied, didn't have trichotillomania and dermatillomania... the list is endless but now I realise that if it wasn't for these experiences, which were horrendous, certain extraordinary events wouldn't have happened and with TSW in mind, I thought I would share some of them with you right now.


Because of TSW I conquered my trichotillomania and dermatillomania and as a result, one of my books is going to be published.
I can safely say that if it wasn't for going through TSW, I would never have found a way of dealing with my compulsions, trichotillomana and dermatillomania. Going through TSW taught me that if I could ignore my mind, that was telling me to give up and just keep going, I could do anything ... and so I did. 

Because of TSW I belong to the most extraordinary community and took part in a documentary that changed everything.
Filming Briana's documentary on TSW was wonderful and something I would not have expereinced if I hadn't gone through TSW as I would never be in the position where I could connect with others on a level very few get the chance to do in their lives. In the last few years I have met dozen of people in real life and talked with hundreds of sufferers online who know exactly what it is to go through something like TSW, and that in itself is truly special.

Because of TSW I write.
It is through my journey as a writer, along with a few other experiences, that have truly made me believe that everything happens for a reason. Many years before going through TSW, the desire to write was building up inside me but for a long time, I resisted as I neither had the confidence nor the time to start. TSW changed all that and suddenly, I had the luxury of time and a new outlook on life. During TSW I wrote my first full-length novel and a chick lit series amongst other things and learned so much that has shaped my writing no end, given me discipline and five years later, the desire to write is stronger than ever.

Because of TSW I truly appreciate what it means to be free.
I know I've said this a thousand times already but not having to think about my skin, after a lifetime obsessing over what creams to use or take away with me, what to do for the best, then of course the perpetual worry over using steroids and immunosuppressants, is amazing. As if a very heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The feeling of freedom will never get old and anyone who hasn't experienced skin issues will not understand just how lucky they are and how something they take for granted is not a guarantee.

Because of TSW I don't give up.
I have banged on about these three words for a long time now but TSW taught me to not give up as I had spent many years before withdrawal doing exactly that. Persevering, even when you feel like throwing in the towel and pushing through fear inevitably leads to the greatest gifts.


The process of TSW, and the realisation that you might not have much of a life for potentially years, is a little hard to swallow but time really does pass and here I am, five years later, and I have changed my life. I am beyond grateful I pushed through the pain, the sleepless nights, the doubt and anxiety, the intense and constant irritation and come out the other side. You will feel tested, like you are constantly at breaking point. TSW is a terrible thing, made worse by the fact that it is essentially an unnecessary process, but it will shape you, change you and you'll come out of it with so much more than you had going into it ... but I know even if I said a thousand more words of this nature the only way you will truly believe me is when you recover yourself ... so until then ;)

Cara x

My Topical Steroid Withdrawal - Month 60 (FIVE YEARS STEROID FREE!!)

Taken last Sunday. No face make-up or filters.
Many freckles.

Like every year, this is up a day earlier than it should be because as per, I have written a special post to mark the actual anniversary, so keep an eye out for that tomorrow.

I haven't done a skin update in ten months so I thought it was about time that I did, especially seeing as it's such a huge milestone. Five years = sixty months TSW. How?! I'm feeling pretty emotional about it all at the moment and, to be perfectly honest, a little bit angry. I have always said that TSW changed me for the better and was by far the best thing I've ever done for myself (more positives coming tomorrow...) but that doesn't alter the fact that none of us should have to go through it in the first place. When I wrote my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA, I wanted to use it as a means of closing a door on that chapter of my life but recently, I don't know, I'm feeling pretty passionate about spreading awareness so that hopefullly in the not too distant future, no one else will have to go through what we have. Every day on Instagram and Facebook I see hundreds of people suffering from topical steroid addiction, including children, and I'm finding it very hard to bear ... even though most of the medical community think we are doing this on some kind of arbitrary whim and through choice. What they don't seem to realise is that they have left us without a choice. Something has to be done. A skin condition has been created from a treatment that is meant to be helping us. The question is not IF topical steroid addiction is recognised but WHEN and I won't stop until we get there. I don't know if what I just said was positive or negative but regardless, it's the truth so make of it what you will. It is the reality.

I stopped counting what month TSW I am a LONG time ago but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I'll not feel something on the 6th of every month, marking another small milestone since I started this crazy journey. I feel (BEYOND) grateful for my current situation: a woman who has recovered from topical steroid addiction and is living her life, and has done for nearly three years now. I will highlight specific things I have noticed during the last ten months but remember, these are minor issues and pretty much what most people experience in their lives, with or without a skin condition.

Also taken last Sunday. Still no filters or face make-up.
Still many freckles.

For many months after my last update post (here), there was absolutely nothing going on with my skin - it was simply skin and throughout the rest of summer and autumn it was exactly that. In early January this year, I decided after my experience writing and working on CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA and loving it, to really burrow away and simply write. That has pretty much been my life since then and as a result, both my diet and sleep has suffered. I have not been very balanced and a typical day (Monday to Saturday) has consisted of getting up at 6 a.m. before work to write, working, then coming straight home to write again. As it's taken its toll physically, I have been turning to sugary comfort food much more than usual and whilst that hasn't necessarily made me flare, I've noticed a difference both mentally and physically. My skin is basically reacting to food like someone without a skin condition would so I get the odd spot and now that my natural oils are back to normal, my nose has actually been greasy (greasy skin?! Who would have thought it!). When I've really gone to town on the junk, my skin will feel terrible and not look its best but absolutely no TSA symptoms. On top of that, I have been getting on average 6 hours of sleep a night and it's just not enough.

Now let's move onto the weather. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel as if last winter in the UK was one of the longest we've had in many years, with colder temperatures and snow even in spring! My skin was fine in the colder weather but when the temperature suddenly shot down, my skin was left feeling very chapped and sore on my face and hands but was minor enough for no one but me to really notice. I would also get the odd rash on my face and hands. I also found this winter absolutely brutal on my face generally from the constant, bitter wind and if the weather is the same next winter, I might have to look into using some kind of moisturiser, just as a means of protecting it somehow.

Around easter, the weather started to improve and I did my biannual panic about not using any kind of sun protection. In case you are unaware, every time I have used suncream post TSW, my skin has hated it and I have broken out in a rash wherever its been applied. Well, I tried another one recently and guess what? My skin hated it. It was marketed as an 'extra sensitive' fragrance free body mist. I tried it on the left-hand side of my face and on the first day of using it, there was no reaction and I started to get excited that I had found 'the one' but on day two, I came up in a mild hivey rash. It felt as if my skin was rejecting it. TSW is so good at making you hyper aware of everything you put in or on your body. I am still conflicted about whether I actually believe suncreams etc. are the right way to go but I think I might have to ignore my personal beliefs and use one anyway. If you have any recommendations, I am ALL ears ... and before you say Green People, I've tried it and my skin wasn't having it :)

The last thing I wanted to quickly mention is that I have started getting hay fever symptoms this year with irritated eyes and a runny nose. Oh the glamour! Even my non-skin friends have started to suffer from it too. Is there some kind of crazy pollen plant/flower that has suddenly decided to start growing?!

Bar my face and hands, I haven't had a single issue on my body, to the point where I have forgotten what it feels like to feel irritated or uncomfortable. Recently, a little ant crawled up my leg which naturally tickled and as a result, I scratched my skin and I remember how odd the act of scratching felt. That stopped me in my tracks for a moment and made me realise just how far I have come. When you're in TSW you can't imagine any other life bar one filled with irritation and discomfort. I cannot stress how different life is now and that TSW isn't forever. It is temporary.

A lot of people have messaged me to say they were upset by the absence of monthly updates over such a long period of time so I apologise for that. As a happy medium, I will aim for quarterly updates instead as I do acknowledge it's important to know what happens after withdrawal.

Because there really is an after.

Love & hugs,
Cara x

P.S. See you tomorrow ;)