And so I have reached two whole years since I woke up one morning and realised I had recovered from topical steroid addiction. Since that wonderful, wonderful day I've had the best skin of my life and enjoyed a kind of freedom I never thought I'd be privileged enough to experience. The small things mean so much more than before and I am amazed every single day just what the human body is capable of.In the two years since I have recovered, I've had two isolated issues on my hands that lasted barely a week and some minor rashes - the worst symptom I've had is the little voice inside my head telling me it's only temporary and that at any given moment I'm going to flare again.
I have had moments of fruitless, unfounded deep despair that has left me at times in the midst of vicious panic attacks and nights spent lying wide awake imagining the worst but what I've finally come to realise on a deeper level is just how pointless it is to worry about a future I cannot possibly predict - and wouldn't want to. Absolutely anything is possible and that is ever so scary but it is also a magical thing. Life has the ability to change completely from one moment to the next - take me for instance; one day I was in withdrawal, the next, I wasn't.
Going forward, what I'd like to do is accept that every day is an adventure and understand that even if things look terrible for a moment, to stop and take a breath to see if they look a little differently away from the black cloud of anxiety. I want to remember that everything will be ok and guess what? So far, it has and all all those wasted hours spent in fear were wasted. I'd like to stop living in the shadow of the big bad wolf that has never come to my door. I am not saying it won't - I'm saying I don't care. Now, in this moment, everything is ok - I have everything I need and skin I cherish.
I thought I'd end with a quote from the brilliant Mark Twain:
"Some of the worst things in my life never even happened."
Here's to living for the now as that is all that truly matters.
Cara xxxx
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am rebuilding myself now after 2 years 8 months of tsw and so many years of unhappy skin before that. It's such a big thing, this reclaiming and remodelling a life, after so many years of self doubts. Time to claim my strengths and be gentle with my fragility. My skin is in a mini flare at the moment, despite this I have energy enough to turn my life into that which I love. Thank you for modelling the way in this journey Cara. You are an inspiration for me.
ReplyDeleteGoodness, what a lovely comment to receive - thank you so much <3 I couldn't be happier that you've been able to start reclaiming your life and I keep everything crossed that your mini flare goes quickly. This comment was so beautifully written and here's to your new wonderful life.
DeleteBig hugs
Cara xxxx