And the winner is...

And so, drumroll please...

The winner of my giveaway featured in last month's blog post (here) is Gresa K! A copy of CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA will be on its way to you shortly.

Thank you so much to everyone who entered and after such a lovely response to this giveaway, I think I might have to do another one very soon, so watch this space ;)

Much love,
Cara x
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5 QUESTIONS WITH: Jasmine (and Jennifer)

I have now shared eighteen 5 QUESTIONS WITH, highlighting inspirational members of our wonderful community. Two of which have been children and today, as I interview eight year old Jasmine, it doesn't get any easier to deal with the fact that children have to go through something as terrible as TSW. Jasmine's Instagram (here), run by her lovely mother Jennifer, has been such a positive account in the face of what must have been a terribly harrowing experience for the entire family so I couldn't have been happier when Jennifer posted that Jasmine had made a full recovery. This interview is written by Jennifer so without further ado, I will hand it over to her:


1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.

Jasmine 5 months into TSW.

Jasmine was about 5 years old when she started her TSW journey, she's now going to be 8. She had just received her pre-k shots and we got a baby kitten when I began to notice really dry patches on her skin. I tried every type of cream and lotion you can think of. Then someone suggested I use the Cortizone 10, we used it once and away went the dry skin, but it came back worse. This is the part I regret the most ... instead of me looking into what the underlying reason was I took her to the doctors and without asking many questions, her pediatrician prescribed Hydrocortisone then began the repeated cycle of good skin with the steroids, bad skin without. Unfortunately it took us almost 2 years for us to notice this cycle.

2) How did you find out about TSW?
I will forever be grateful to ITSAN.org. Without them we would still be stuck in that awful cycle.

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
Our naturopath was a godsend, she also had never heard of TSW but was willing to go on this journey with us. We put her on a specific diet, no sugars, specific supplements based off of certain testing we did, lots of water & coconut juice. As far as her skin she couldn't tolerate anything on it or even touch so we had to do moisturizer withdrawal. Now we use coconut lotion from topical traditions but only after a bath. I am happy to say her skin now stays pretty hydrated. It took her about 7 months into TSW to barely tolerate a bath - we did Apple cider vinegar and dead sea salt. It would burn her at first but after a few minutes it would soothe the itching. Also taking pictures to help see the progress.The most helpful part for us was lots, I mean lots, of praying and having faith that she would overcome this incomprehensible journey.

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Not linear or fast healing.

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
Lots of positives now, we have grown closer as a family, learned that things are not always in our control and sometimes you have to let go and have faith. We are more cautious about our health and what we put into our bodies and now know to ask questions! We are our own advocates.

Jasmine NOW!

For me five words for this journey would be, True test of patience and faith. This journey not only hurt Jasmine but my husband, my son and I. Emotionally it tore us apart to see her in excruciating pain not laughing or playing full of life. Her brother and dad would have to leave the house during the times I would have to clean her up because they could not bear hearing her scream in agonizing pain. Physically all of us had no sleep, all of our health and wellbeing was put aside. Mentally my husband and I were at numerous breaking points, Jasmine would curse God for not giving her a break, we would question our faith and journey. Financially, we would call off work constantly and our bills were pilling up due to the numerous hospital visits, doctors appointments, traveling far to different doctors and not to mention her Naturopath visits and supplements were pretty pricey and not covered by her insurance. Now we are rebuilding all of this, the scar is definitely there for all of us. Knowing that this could've been preventable kills me still...

To follow Jasmine's inspirational Instagram account, click here.

Thank you to the amazing Jennifer for sharing Jasmine's story with me <3

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)
Stephanie Miller (here)
Holly Dillon @GetYourSkinOut (here)
Me (here)
Keisha Gregson (here)
Douglas Maddy & Charlie (here)
Gillian Breslin (here)

Love & hugs,
Cara x

Trich Pics

This post was inspired by a photo that came up on Facebook a while ago informing me it was taken exactly seven years ago. When I saw it again, I was shocked - not only because it can't have been seven years ago (WHERE IS THE TIME GOING!?!) but more than anything, because I couldn't believe how thin my eyebrows were. It got me thinking about what other photos of me have been taken over the years that show signs of the compulsions I tried my best to hide from the world for so long. I don't have many photos from my teens (the time when I started picking and pulling) because I threw a lot of them away as it was a generally unhappy time for me and in those photos, either my eczema was bad and I didn't want to be reminded of it, or I could see in my eyes how unhappy I was. If there are any teenagers reading this who are struggling and have been told your formative years are the best time of your life, ignore them.

After doing some digging, I managed to find quite a few photos which to anyone else, might look like there is nothing else going on but to me, tell a very different story. Like I said, these photos only offer a glimpse that there was anything wrong as I became a master of hiding my compulsions. A small part of me wishes I had taken photos of my skin when my trichotillomania and dermatillomania was at its worst, like I have with my TSW journey, but to be perfectly honest, I'm glad I don't have any as I'm not sure I ever want to see what I actually did to myself. Some things are best left in the past.

I have said before that the lines between my trichotillomania and dermatillomania are blurred as in the past I have had to really pick at my skin to get out a hair but regardless, damage is damage - whether it's down to trich or derma.

I hope the photos help anyone suffering with either condition remember that they are not the only ones fighting or hiding something because they feel embarrassed, scared or alone.

***

The following photo was taken on 16th July 2007. I was pretty good at covering all the marks I made with concealer but there were some that even make-up couldn't cover so may I present to you, my right eyebrow for inspection.

The photo on the left is from New Year's Eve 2009 and the photo on the right is from 11th February 2010. Around the time these photos were taken, I think I'd call myself a 'high-functioning' trichster, which meant I was still pulling, but was able to keep the destruction I normally caused down. At the time, I had a boyfriend and found that when I wasn't single, it was easier to control my compulsions ... I suppose the knowledge someone is going to see your skin is a pretty good incentive not to.

***

I hadn't been on my singing channel until recently when my mum looked at one of my old videos and showed me my eyebrows. In two particular videos (here) and (here), my eyebrows look almost drawn in. Eye pencils as a means of hiding my trich has never worked out well for me...

***

The next couple of photos are from two separate occasions in October 2011 where I'd just done a lot of damage to my legs. In the photo on the left, I was scared because I thought I had given myself a serious infection and in the photo on the right I remember feeling really upset because my legs were so bad and thought I would never be able to wear them bare again. I just felt awful but what do you see in these photos? A girl smiling, carefree... Looks can be deceiving. You might see a person and conjure up all these images of their life but remember, most people are putting on a front, hiding their fears and problems from everyone. In both photos I was with people I cared about and still enjoyed myself but the thought of the state of my legs was constantly gnawing at my insides. 

When I was going through TSW, I was a little more lenient with photos of myself as, let's be real, my skin wasn't looking its best, so what's a few more scabs and wounds? The photo on the left is from Friday 26th July 2013 and the photo on the right is from Friday 6th September 2013.

Even full body flaring couldn't stop me from picking/pulling at my legs and the only reason I took this in the first place was because I was going through a MUCH calmer phase with my compulsions (along with a cleverly angled camera), taken on Saturday 14th December 2013. Even with a more relaxed attitude to showing my skin, my legs were still an area that I was uneasy photographing and that is why I have so few photos of my legs throughout withdrawal.

I don't think I need to elaborate on the next photo, taken on Wednesday 8th October 2014.

The next two photos were taken very shortly after recovering from TSW (on Monday 17th August 2015 & Sunday 30th August 2015). I let the little 'misdemeanors' slide on my eyebrows as they didn't look too bad...

And lastly, one final photo of my legs taken on Sunday 8th November 2015, cut off just before my Trich/Derma got bad. The few marks shown were only a preview of what happened 'off camera'.

Love & hugs
Cara xxxx

5 QUESTIONS WITH: Gillian Breslin

When I did an Instagram stories poll recently asking for feedback about what you'd all like to see when I relaunched this blog, a very high percentage (about 97%) of you voted in favour of me bringing back my '5 QUESTIONS WITH' series. I even had some messages explaining exactly why it needed to come back and I can't tell you how happy that makes me as I absolutely love working on these posts and highlighting some of the incredible members of our ever-growing community, so it brings me great pleasure to welcome Gillian to my blog. I have known of Gillian's story for a while and was over the moon when I read she had made a full recovery from TSA. She looks absolutely incredible now and even has her own skin-related YouTube channel (here) so without further ado, I'll hand it over to Gillian:

Gillian during withdrawal.

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.
I am a 24 year old girl that was born in Scotland. I was born with eczema (or sensitive skin) and my mum was prescribed hydrocortisone when I was a baby. I was then prescribed fucibet as hydrocortisone was no longer strong enough - I remember my mum applying this all over when I was a toddler. My skin was constantly inflammed and infected so antibiotics were always being prescribed along with moisturiser. I remember scratching all night and genuinely believe that this took a toll on my education as I was tired and agitated during my school years. The doctor would constantly refuse to take out an allergy test. I used steroid creams that were prescribed to me daily from my teenage years. When I hit the age of 22, they stopped working and had no other choice but to withdraw. 

2) How did you find out about TSW?
My symptoms were getting worse and as I wasn't getting answers from my doctor, I turned to the internet. I would spend hours searching online and trying expensive remedies then tried turning vegan. None of this helped. I stumbled upon ITSAN.ORG and my symptoms ticked all the boxes. Telling my friends, family and doctors about this was hard as they all failed to believe it was the steroids that caused my symptoms. Eventually after having enough proof to show them, my friends and family started to believe in TSW.

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
I literally tried everything. I would spend up to 8 hours in the bath in salted water to provide comfort. I would go days without any sleep. Tried all the elimination diets and found that cutting out caffeine and refined sugar helped. I was then admitted into hospital with multiple infections and I had problems breathing. I was put on morphine, was given baths daily and was wrapped in zinc and ichthammol bandages which were able to provide some comfort. I was then put on sleeping medications, mood enhancers, co-codamol 30/500, oral MRSA anti-biotics and IV MRSA antibiotics, 3 different types of anti-histamines and diazepam. (Only some of the medications I was on but the most effective). I discharged myself from hospital and slowly started to get better with the help of Zinc + Ichtammol cream mixed with 50:50 cream. I am no longer on any medication, I only use the creams.

Gillian NOW looking absolutely amazing!

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Heartbreaking, debilitating, torture, devastating but strengthening.

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
It will break you down, you will hit rock bottom but it makes you stronger than ever. I have gained so much knowledge from TSW. I have realised that there are major flaws in the healthcare system and we need to stick together and fight for a massive review and re-education on Topical Steroids.

Gillian has a wonderful YouTube channel which can be found here and for her Instagram, click here.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me <3

If there is anyone you'd like me to interview who inspires you within our community, please get in touch.

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)
Stephanie Miller (here)
Holly Dillon @GetYourSkinOut (here)
Me (here)
Keisha Gregson (here)
Douglas Maddy & Charlie (here)

Much love,
Cara x
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Blogging return, update and GIVEAWAY!

Welcome back to my site after a blogging holiday I never intended to take - it was more the case that everything in my life forced me to pack my little TSW blogging suitcase and up sticks for a while. It's been a crazy few months to say the least and even though my blog might be back, I'm not promising there will be regular posts and there might even be a few weeks at a time where you'll hear nothing from me. This is because I want to keep my small piece of the internet as a hobby and something I do only when I can with no pressure, as I've already put enough of that on myself recently. This blog was so important to me in the two years after withdrawal and I'm so glad I documented exactly what happened during that time, both mentally and physically.

Before I say anything else, I wanted to thank you all for the most incredible response to my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA. I wrote it more than anything for myself; as a way of closing a door on that 'chapter' of my life and to be able to have all the information from that period of time in one place, so for people to actually buy it and leave such lovely reviews, comments and posts was more than I could ever have wished for and made the end of 2017/the beginning of this year so wonderful. Thank you <3 It is available worldwide on Amazon in paperback and eBook format and for the UK link, click here and for those in the US, click here... or keep reading this post for a little giveaway ;)

Life in my blogging absence has been nothing short of insane - that's not because I've been doing lots of different things, more that my time has been taken up doing one thing in particular: writing. I don't know what it was exactly but at the end of last year in November when I wrote/worked on CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA, it gave me such focus and drive to work and work and work until writing was my career. Since then, I have been doing exactly that; writing before and after work, hiding away at weekends, not seeing friends and making sacrifices which I hope will pay off in the end.

I have been working a lot on my self-published chick lit series, WEIGHTING TO LIVE; re-editing them all, writing a new short story as part of it and very soon I will be giving all the books new covers before doing my damnedest to get the series out there. I've also been working on a novel that fills me with joy and something else VERY exciting which I cannot wait to share with you all very soon... I suppose you could say that writing isn't exactly the easiest career path I could have chosen for myself but I don't care as I love it and if nothing happens at the end of it then hey ho, I've enjoyed the journey and have a pretty special hobby to show for it. TSW taught me the most important thing is to not give up, so I won't.

I will chat about how my skin has been in a few weeks' time (although it's not like I've got much to say on that front) and have some posts lined up for you already, but do let me know what you'd like to see on this blog and I will do my best to make it happen.

In a bid to not go on too long, let's move on to the giveaway. As a thank you, I am giving away one free copy of my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA. The giveaway is open WORLDWIDE and all you need to do in order to win it is to simply comment on this post or my latest Instagram photo relating to the giveaway or email me at tswcara @ hotmail (dot) com. You don't need to be subscribed or what have you, just write a simple message/comment telling me in a sentence or two about your own skin journey - that's it. I'll choose a winner at the end of this month (31st May) and will reveal the name of the person on 1st June in a post and also send a private message, so make sure there is some way for me to contact you if you win!

I wanted to finish off by saying that in exactly a month's time it will be five years since I started my TSW journey. Five years in which I completely changed my life and ended up with skin I had only dreamed about for so long. TSW is the best thing I've ever done and while it may have taken so long to get better, that time has now passed and here I am with no skin condition and a new outlook on life.

I will be back very soon so until then, I am sending hugs & healing your way,
Cara xxx

P.S. You can follow me on Twitter @authorcaraward <3 Twitter is something I have wanted to use again for a while now and after pushing through some silly shyness, here we are. It would be lovely to see you over there!
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