Last one to the party: Strawberry & Banana Nice Cream

Nice cream. Almost a health blogger's right of passage. I had seen nice cream for years on the internet and those who posted about it made it look as if it was as simple as quickly blending some bananas then hey presto, you have a healthier alternative to ice cream. I was mistaken. It's not as simple as that - far from it - and it has taken me a few months of tinkering to get it right, so for those who have never ventured into the fashionable world of frozen bananas equating dessert, I thought I'd try my best to help you and hopefully make the process a little less confusing than I found it.

The ingredients you will need (per person):

• 3 very ripe medium bananas. Fewer bananas than this and you might as well not bother as it won't make enough... in my *eats-ice cream-by-the-pint* opinion.
• 3 large (or 4 smaller) frozen strawberries. Any more and it will not only thin the mixture but the strawberry flavour will be too overpowering. You want to strike the right balance between the two fruit.
• 3 tablespoons of the milk of your choice (I use semi-skimmed).

You will also need a powerful blender. I recently bought a NutriBullet (here) for the sole purpose of making nice cream. What they don't really tell you online is that blenders need a certain amount of liquid to make stuff blend; whereas everyone makes it look as if you could drop solid stone into the thing and produce water. You need liquid of some sort to allow it to blend, especially if you want to blend frozen bananas. But the problem with too much liquid for nice cream is that it will make it runny and more like a milkshake than ice cream. You want this as thick as possible and after a lot of trial and error, 3 tablespoons works the best, for me at least.

Lastly, I just wanted to share a point about the ripeness of the bananas. Whilst I am sure many people reading this post will say they loose all their nutrients when they are too ripe, they need to be ripe for two reasons: 1. They are sweeter the riper they get. 2. It will make them easier to blend as they will be softer. With all that spiel out of the way, now onto the method:

• Naturally, before anything, you will need to freeze your bananas. Slice them first (you don't have to do it too thinly) and put the circles into a sandwich bag then pop it in the freezer and leave for at least 8 hours, or until the bananas are in a solid block. 
• At least 20 minutes before you want to make your nice cream, take them out of the freezer and leave them in a place that is at least room temperature until the bananas have softened around the edges.
• While they are still in the sandwich bag, you will need to break up the bananas into smaller chunks - you don't need to bother separating them into their original slices though. You then want to put the chunks in the blender cup, along with the milk, and start blending.
• Like my advice for TSW, give this bit plenty of time and don't expect it to be done in seconds. This will take a little while. Every minute or so, stop the blender and give the mix a hard shake. Patience is a virtue with this and your objective is to make the mixture as thick as possible, but if you've left the bananas out of the freezer for at least 20 minutes, then you should be fine. You  simply can't put solid bananas in the blender and expect miracles. 
• When the mix has nearly fully blended, add in your strawberries. I'd suggest getting the strawberries out of the freezer for about five minutes before adding to the blender. It's all about creating the balance between the fruit being soft enough, but not too soft...
• When the mixture has blended fully, just go to town and eat all your hard work. You can do what I did in the picture and transfer it to a pretty glass, but let's be real, I've never done that before in my life and I usually just guzzle it straight from the NutriBullet cup. No judgement here.

Nice cream is really quite amazing and even though I already loved bananas, I was skeptical that when frozen they could turn into creamy ice cream, but somehow they do. Let's take a moment to thank the mighty banana for this absolute boon of nature.

Right, I have just bought some cacao power so I'm off to see if I can make chocolate nice cream and really blow my mind.

Enjoy.
Cara x

THREE YEARS

All it took was time.
Pic on the left taken nearly two months into withdrawal on Monday 29th July 2013
Pic on the right taken Monday 13th August 2018

It's another TSW milestone for me today so naturally, I've written a blog post all about it - although really, I haven't got anything to say. Because there is nothing to say.

Three years ago today I simply woke up and realised I had recovered from topical steroid addiction.

At the time, even though I was over the moon, a big part of me didn't truly believe it would last. In 2015, there were so few of us out there who had recovered and practically no one documenting the after. All there seemed to be was a lot of disappointment from those who had flared again and others who just vanished from the internet. I had absolutely no idea what to expect.

There is still so much fear and confusion surrounding TSW and the after years. Will I flare again?! I cannot tell each and every single lovely person reading this post that you will never find yourself in the clutches of TSW again, but for me personally, apart from two isolated incidents on my hands when I went to Verbier in Switzerland (which lasted a week) and the odd minor rash, I have had three blissful years of skin that I've waited my whole life to experience.

I know I am a broken record when I say this but not having to think about my skin now, and do whatever I want, not bound by anything, is truly the most wonderful feeling in the whole world. It is real freedom.

T-S-W. Within moments of finding those three magical letters for the first time, I knew with all my heart I had found the right path for me and that it would be the answer to my 'incurable' eczema.

I see so many people both on Instagram and Facebook understandably upset that they are not seeing improvements after months and months of suffering so I feel I need to say again that I went through withdrawal for years.

This process is not going to be easy and some of us had/have suppressed our system with drugs for many many years - there are even some of us who have done it for a lifetime - so expecting your body to recover in mere months is crazy. None of us should have to go through this process in the first place but if you are going commit, then you have to be realistic and remember exactly what you are asking your poor, confused body to do.

I am not a doctor or a medical professional, I am simply a woman who has inadvertently studied skin for over thirty years and while that does not make me qualified to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, I do believe it makes me justified in saying that by doing what I felt was right, turned out to be the best decision I ever made in my life.

Please do not take what I say as medical advice, but please take what I say as my totally honest opinion, not fuelled by anything but the need to impart what I have learned in the hope that it will help someone else out there.

I am so glad I went through TSW and I will never stop being grateful to every single person and website I came across that kept me going and helped me decide I was going to do this in the first place.

If you believe that TSW is right path for you then know there is light at the end of the tunnel and always remember that it will take TIME. This is not a linear process and it's pretty much a given that you will doubt said process. Doubt and anxiety are symptoms none of us are prepared for when we go into it and for some, they will be the hardest to overcome.

Ok, so maybe I had a little more to say than I initially anticipated...

Thank you, always, TSW.
Cara x

I've found 'The One'

They say that when you meet 'The One' you just know...

After being hurt in the past, I didn't know if I could trust another, until someone suggested I take a chance and now I can safely say that I'm in love...

With a sunscreen.

I'll take you back to the beginning of our beautiful love story.

This June, I wrote as part of my skin update blog post (here) that I desperately needed to find a sunscreen that wouldn't break me out in a rash like so many have done in the past. Cue my fairy godmother, the lovely Hannah, who commented on my post and suggested I try the Australian brand Sun Sense Ultra AND CHANGED MY LIFE.

This is unprecedented. I have tried so many sunscreens, everything from generic high street brands to natural and expensive ones, all with the same outcome. But with Sunsense, there's been no reaction whatsoever – not even the smallest hint of irritation. I'm absolutely over the moon. I have been using it every day for weeks and didn't want to mention it until I was sure, but now, all I want to do is shout its name from the rooftops.

My love has come into my life just in time, too, as the UK is currently in the middle of a heatwave, with temperatures I’ve never experienced in my life for such a prolonged period of time. I would like to take a moment to say that I hope everyone in the UK going through withdrawal is doing ok in this weather as I can't imagine how tough it must be on top of symptoms. I started withdrawal during a heatwave, but it was nothing compared to this.

I use Sunsense Ultra 500 SPF50+ Sun Screen in the morning before I leave the house, then apply a top-up after a few hours if I feel I need to. The consistency is light and rubs easily into my skin, leaving no white cast, and sinks in within moments.

From left to right:
Pic 1 - put straight on the skin.
Pic 2 - rubbed in quickly once.
Pic 3 - very minimal rubbing into the skin.

I have a large pump bottle, which I keep at home, and a small bottle for my handbag, and you can buy all Sunsense products (here).

Right, I'm off to marry my sunscreen.

Much love
Cara x

Me and my little black cloud

For over four years I had a little black cloud that would sometimes hover over me peacefully then at other times storm. This cloud was my anxiety, which came into my life during TSW and was shaped by PTSD.

I know I say this a lot but I think we all need to appreciate just how much of a terrible toll this process can take on us mentally. The worst thing about having to go through any kind of mental health problem is that we can't see it, we can only choose to believe it. Physical trauma gives us proof that we actually suffered, we have scars. Mental scars are there, but they are invisible. The good news is that our scars can fade – mine have.

Now, when people ask how long it took for me to recover from TSA (...still not using that H word...*coughs: healed*), I say it took two years physically and another two for the mental symptoms to catch up. Just after I had recovered physically, I may have looked better and felt happier than ever, but really, I was a wreck. For over two years, I had been to hell and back and when it was over, I thought I would be able to walk away unscathed, but our minds soak up everything. We are sponges.

TSW is a trauma, never forget that, made all the worse by the fact that we shouldn't have to go through it in the first place. You can be the strongest person on earth and yet still suffer from mental health problems – and don't think for a moment that to suffer mentally makes you a weaker person. It only makes you human.

I would like to tell you something positive now. I can safely say that I no longer suffer from anxiety as a result of TSW. Last year, after filming with Nina and Laura as part of Briana's Preventable documentary, I knew something had suddenly changed and I wouldn't suffer from TSW-induced anxiety anymore ... although I wasn't able to really put it to the test till now. Two years ago, around June 2016, I suffered from mild urticaria, which is essentially a kind of skin rash with hives. A couple of weeks ago, due to the heat wave we've been experiencing in the UK, it came back. Two years ago, when I got urticaria, my anxiety was through the roof, to the point where I suffered from panic attacks. I was in a very dark place. This time, I was able to accept it for what it was; a heat rash, and I knew that it would go, just like it did before. I embraced it. Everything was ok. It was only temporary. Just like before, I couldn't even take pictures of it it was so faint and guess what? It did go, and much quicker than the last time. Remember our skin is always fighting for us.

Just like my anxiety, there will always be clouds, but for now at least, my little cloud is white and fluffy and warmed by the sun, which has broken through after four years of darkness.

Never beat yourself up if this process gets too much for you. TSA is an horrific skin condition and one not to be taken lightly. We are all victims of a flawed system which has to change.

I will never regret going through withdrawal. It changed me for the better and gave me so much more than it took, because every cloud has a silver lining.

Cara x
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5 QUESTIONS WITH: Robyn

It brings me great pleasure to be able to bring you another 5 QUESTIONS WITH featuring one more member of our wonderful community that I feel lucky enough to be part of. What's incredible about our #TSWfamily is that some of us have 'known' each other for years now and I have watched so many people go through the worst of withdrawal and come out the other side, so without further ado, allow me to introduce the beautiful Robyn. We have been internet friends for a few years now and I'm so happy to be able to share her story with you all. I'll hand it over to Robyn:

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.
I am 29 years old and was diagnosed with eczema at 17 months old. I used topical steroids like triamcinolone and desonide until I was 26 (so about 25 years of use!)

2) How did you find out about TSW?
About a year after I had my son, my skin was flaring up very badly. I went to my dermatologist and she gave me the typical steroids- but this time, they didn’t work. On top of that, my skin was flaring and peeling in places I had never had eczema, and the skin on my face was completely dry and flaking off. I literally googled ‘the steroids for my eczema stopped working’ and I found myself at the ITSAN.org site!

Robyn during withdrawal.

Robyn NOW!

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
Absolutely- stress management and mindfulness- yoga helped with those- as well as dietary changes, Manuka honey, Dead Sea salt baths and for the ooze- diaper cream. I avoided showers for a year, I also shaved my head. I found my hair made me itch and it was falling out anyway! And lastly, time.

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Totally encompassing agonizing hell fire.

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
It’s hard for me to focus on the positives, but I’d say that I definitely lost my ego and vanity and in turn found strength and resilience. If you can get through TSW... you can get through anything.

To follow Robyn's fabulous Instagram account, click here.

Thank you so much Robyn <3

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)
Stephanie Miller (here)
Holly Dillon @GetYourSkinOut (here)
Me (here)
Keisha Gregson (here)
Douglas Maddy & Charlie (here)
Gillian Breslin (here)
Jasmine and Jennifer (here)

Love & light,
Cara x

Another documentary on TSW?

I wanted to share something very exciting with you all...

On Sunday 3rd June 2018 I had the absolute pleasure of being part of another documentary currently in the works on topical steroid addiction. How wonderful it is that we have not only one, but TWO documentaries on our condition now, which really does give me hope that soon our voices will be heard and no one else will have to go through something like TSW.

I met two girls from the group 'Girls who Film' who are making the documentary, Federica (behind the camera) and Emma, who is currently going through TSW herself.

Here is the fantastic introductory trailer for the documentary:

In a very lovely and informal interview with Emma, we talked all things skin and I can't wait to see it when it's all finished. What I love about our community is the bond we all share and it is always such a joy to speak to those who truly get it. No need for explanations. They know. They've been there.

Emma and I, taken after filming on Sunday 3rd June 2018 xxx
*Picture taken from her Instagram account, @tswemma*

They are taking this huge project on themselves and as a result, they need our help. Click (here) for the link to their GoFundMe page. Even if you are unable to donate, let's spread the word that there are those willing to fight!

Wishing Emma & Federica the best of luck with their documentary and here's to a future where topical steroid addiction needs no awareness and is a recognised medical condition.
Cara x
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I love London: My 5 year TSW celebration day out

This post wasn't planned but I felt like I had to write it all down before my feelings lost their clarity. I am sitting here in my M&S pyjamas after the most wonderful day with my mum celebrating five years since I started topical steroid withdrawal and found the answer to my 'incurable' eczema.

For a few years leading up to the milestone I had rather grand plans for the day. In my head, I wanted to be sitting on that beautiful white bench overlooking the Taj Mahal... For many reasons, I realised a while ago that was a rather foolish plan of mine - for one thing, I've just checked the temperature and it's currently 107 degrees fahrenheit in that wonderful part of the world and with my English, freckled skin, that's not a good idea. About a month ago, it hit me that what I truly wanted to do was go on The London Eye and toast to five life-changing years with a glass of champagne and my wonderful mum, so I did exactly that. I shall start at the very beginning...

In the morning, my mum came over and gave me the most beautiful piece of rose quartz. If you weren't aware, rose quartz symbolises love and healing. I also received a necklace from my mum's friend, which I absolutely love.

We made our way to The Eye and as we crossed Westminster Bridge, I think it was then that I fell a little more in love with the city I am lucky enough to call home. The sky was blue and the weather was warm. It was perfect.

When we arrived at The Eye, as we had paid for the 'Champagne Experience', we were shown to a separate bar area whilst we waited to be taken to The Eye, but it wasn't long before we were called to follow our designated hosts. There were about 19 of us in one pod and once we were up in the sky, we were handed our glass of champagne and I can't think of a more wonderful way to mark this particular milestone of mine. At the very top you are roughly 135 metres high and are treated to London at its very best.

The experience lasts roughly half an hour and is a MUST for anyone visiting London.

Afterwards, we had no agenda. The Eye was our only real plan but as we found out, sometimes the best plans are no plans. We spent the next few hours wondering around London - ambling through Trafalgar Square to Covent Garden. Bliss.

I spent the day with healthy skin and my wonderful mum, who I would never have been able to get through withdrawal without. Mum, words cannot adequately describe all you have done for me over the years and I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for everything <3

To anyone who has a loved one that has cared for them through withdrawal, stop what you are doing - stop reading this post - and tell them you love them immediately. Gifts, expensive meals out, lavish holidays are nice and all that, but the people and experiences you share together last a lifetime.

Mark those precious milestones. They represent one of the hardest, most life-changing periods of time that you will probably ever experience in your life.

Most importantly it shows that time does indeed pass.
Cara x

Sliding Doors: Five things for five years

If you know anything about me and my journey then you will know how much I value any milestone, especially when it comes to my skin story and battle with topical steroid addiction. After writing over 100 posts for this blog alone, I feel like I have said everything there is to say about TSW, leaving it hard to find subjects I haven't already covered. The idea for this post came to me on Sunday 20th May 2018, which is a pretty significant date in terms of my journey with TSW that I talked about in last year's anniversary post (here). In a nutshell, I had a bit of a turning point on that date five years ago and knew I had to change my life and since then, I've been on a rocky road to self-improvement ever since.

Sliding doors is a concept that fascinates me and I always wonder what would have happened if I didn't have eczema, hadn't used topical steroids to treat it, hadn't got bullied, didn't have trichotillomania and dermatillomania... the list is endless but now I realise that if it wasn't for these experiences, which were horrendous, certain extraordinary events wouldn't have happened and with TSW in mind, I thought I would share some of them with you right now.


Because of TSW I conquered my trichotillomania and dermatillomania and as a result, one of my books is going to be published.
I can safely say that if it wasn't for going through TSW, I would never have found a way of dealing with my compulsions, trichotillomana and dermatillomania. Going through TSW taught me that if I could ignore my mind, that was telling me to give up and just keep going, I could do anything ... and so I did. 

Because of TSW I belong to the most extraordinary community and took part in a documentary that changed everything.
Filming Briana's documentary on TSW was wonderful and something I would not have expereinced if I hadn't gone through TSW as I would never be in the position where I could connect with others on a level very few get the chance to do in their lives. In the last few years I have met dozen of people in real life and talked with hundreds of sufferers online who know exactly what it is to go through something like TSW, and that in itself is truly special.

Because of TSW I write.
It is through my journey as a writer, along with a few other experiences, that have truly made me believe that everything happens for a reason. Many years before going through TSW, the desire to write was building up inside me but for a long time, I resisted as I neither had the confidence nor the time to start. TSW changed all that and suddenly, I had the luxury of time and a new outlook on life. During TSW I wrote my first full-length novel and a chick lit series amongst other things and learned so much that has shaped my writing no end, given me discipline and five years later, the desire to write is stronger than ever.

Because of TSW I truly appreciate what it means to be free.
I know I've said this a thousand times already but not having to think about my skin, after a lifetime obsessing over what creams to use or take away with me, what to do for the best, then of course the perpetual worry over using steroids and immunosuppressants, is amazing. As if a very heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The feeling of freedom will never get old and anyone who hasn't experienced skin issues will not understand just how lucky they are and how something they take for granted is not a guarantee.

Because of TSW I don't give up.
I have banged on about these three words for a long time now but TSW taught me to not give up as I had spent many years before withdrawal doing exactly that. Persevering, even when you feel like throwing in the towel and pushing through fear inevitably leads to the greatest gifts.


The process of TSW, and the realisation that you might not have much of a life for potentially years, is a little hard to swallow but time really does pass and here I am, five years later, and I have changed my life. I am beyond grateful I pushed through the pain, the sleepless nights, the doubt and anxiety, the intense and constant irritation and come out the other side. You will feel tested, like you are constantly at breaking point. TSW is a terrible thing, made worse by the fact that it is essentially an unnecessary process, but it will shape you, change you and you'll come out of it with so much more than you had going into it ... but I know even if I said a thousand more words of this nature the only way you will truly believe me is when you recover yourself ... so until then ;)

Cara x

My Topical Steroid Withdrawal - Month 60 (FIVE YEARS STEROID FREE!!)

Taken last Sunday. No face make-up or filters.
Many freckles.

Like every year, this is up a day earlier than it should be because as per, I have written a special post to mark the actual anniversary, so keep an eye out for that tomorrow.

I haven't done a skin update in ten months so I thought it was about time that I did, especially seeing as it's such a huge milestone. Five years = sixty months TSW. How?! I'm feeling pretty emotional about it all at the moment and, to be perfectly honest, a little bit angry. I have always said that TSW changed me for the better and was by far the best thing I've ever done for myself (more positives coming tomorrow...) but that doesn't alter the fact that none of us should have to go through it in the first place. When I wrote my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA, I wanted to use it as a means of closing a door on that chapter of my life but recently, I don't know, I'm feeling pretty passionate about spreading awareness so that hopefullly in the not too distant future, no one else will have to go through what we have. Every day on Instagram and Facebook I see hundreds of people suffering from topical steroid addiction, including children, and I'm finding it very hard to bear ... even though most of the medical community think we are doing this on some kind of arbitrary whim and through choice. What they don't seem to realise is that they have left us without a choice. Something has to be done. A skin condition has been created from a treatment that is meant to be helping us. The question is not IF topical steroid addiction is recognised but WHEN and I won't stop until we get there. I don't know if what I just said was positive or negative but regardless, it's the truth so make of it what you will. It is the reality.

I stopped counting what month TSW I am a LONG time ago but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I'll not feel something on the 6th of every month, marking another small milestone since I started this crazy journey. I feel (BEYOND) grateful for my current situation: a woman who has recovered from topical steroid addiction and is living her life, and has done for nearly three years now. I will highlight specific things I have noticed during the last ten months but remember, these are minor issues and pretty much what most people experience in their lives, with or without a skin condition.

Also taken last Sunday. Still no filters or face make-up.
Still many freckles.

For many months after my last update post (here), there was absolutely nothing going on with my skin - it was simply skin and throughout the rest of summer and autumn it was exactly that. In early January this year, I decided after my experience writing and working on CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA and loving it, to really burrow away and simply write. That has pretty much been my life since then and as a result, both my diet and sleep has suffered. I have not been very balanced and a typical day (Monday to Saturday) has consisted of getting up at 6 a.m. before work to write, working, then coming straight home to write again. As it's taken its toll physically, I have been turning to sugary comfort food much more than usual and whilst that hasn't necessarily made me flare, I've noticed a difference both mentally and physically. My skin is basically reacting to food like someone without a skin condition would so I get the odd spot and now that my natural oils are back to normal, my nose has actually been greasy (greasy skin?! Who would have thought it!). When I've really gone to town on the junk, my skin will feel terrible and not look its best but absolutely no TSA symptoms. On top of that, I have been getting on average 6 hours of sleep a night and it's just not enough.

Now let's move onto the weather. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel as if last winter in the UK was one of the longest we've had in many years, with colder temperatures and snow even in spring! My skin was fine in the colder weather but when the temperature suddenly shot down, my skin was left feeling very chapped and sore on my face and hands but was minor enough for no one but me to really notice. I would also get the odd rash on my face and hands. I also found this winter absolutely brutal on my face generally from the constant, bitter wind and if the weather is the same next winter, I might have to look into using some kind of moisturiser, just as a means of protecting it somehow.

Around easter, the weather started to improve and I did my biannual panic about not using any kind of sun protection. In case you are unaware, every time I have used suncream post TSW, my skin has hated it and I have broken out in a rash wherever its been applied. Well, I tried another one recently and guess what? My skin hated it. It was marketed as an 'extra sensitive' fragrance free body mist. I tried it on the left-hand side of my face and on the first day of using it, there was no reaction and I started to get excited that I had found 'the one' but on day two, I came up in a mild hivey rash. It felt as if my skin was rejecting it. TSW is so good at making you hyper aware of everything you put in or on your body. I am still conflicted about whether I actually believe suncreams etc. are the right way to go but I think I might have to ignore my personal beliefs and use one anyway. If you have any recommendations, I am ALL ears ... and before you say Green People, I've tried it and my skin wasn't having it :)

The last thing I wanted to quickly mention is that I have started getting hay fever symptoms this year with irritated eyes and a runny nose. Oh the glamour! Even my non-skin friends have started to suffer from it too. Is there some kind of crazy pollen plant/flower that has suddenly decided to start growing?!

Bar my face and hands, I haven't had a single issue on my body, to the point where I have forgotten what it feels like to feel irritated or uncomfortable. Recently, a little ant crawled up my leg which naturally tickled and as a result, I scratched my skin and I remember how odd the act of scratching felt. That stopped me in my tracks for a moment and made me realise just how far I have come. When you're in TSW you can't imagine any other life bar one filled with irritation and discomfort. I cannot stress how different life is now and that TSW isn't forever. It is temporary.

A lot of people have messaged me to say they were upset by the absence of monthly updates over such a long period of time so I apologise for that. As a happy medium, I will aim for quarterly updates instead as I do acknowledge it's important to know what happens after withdrawal.

Because there really is an after.

Love & hugs,
Cara x

P.S. See you tomorrow ;)

And the winner is...

And so, drumroll please...

The winner of my giveaway featured in last month's blog post (here) is Gresa K! A copy of CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA will be on its way to you shortly.

Thank you so much to everyone who entered and after such a lovely response to this giveaway, I think I might have to do another one very soon, so watch this space ;)

Much love,
Cara x
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5 QUESTIONS WITH: Jasmine (and Jennifer)

I have now shared eighteen 5 QUESTIONS WITH, highlighting inspirational members of our wonderful community. Two of which have been children and today, as I interview eight year old Jasmine, it doesn't get any easier to deal with the fact that children have to go through something as terrible as TSW. Jasmine's Instagram (here), run by her lovely mother Jennifer, has been such a positive account in the face of what must have been a terribly harrowing experience for the entire family so I couldn't have been happier when Jennifer posted that Jasmine had made a full recovery. This interview is written by Jennifer so without further ado, I will hand it over to her:


1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.

Jasmine 5 months into TSW.

Jasmine was about 5 years old when she started her TSW journey, she's now going to be 8. She had just received her pre-k shots and we got a baby kitten when I began to notice really dry patches on her skin. I tried every type of cream and lotion you can think of. Then someone suggested I use the Cortizone 10, we used it once and away went the dry skin, but it came back worse. This is the part I regret the most ... instead of me looking into what the underlying reason was I took her to the doctors and without asking many questions, her pediatrician prescribed Hydrocortisone then began the repeated cycle of good skin with the steroids, bad skin without. Unfortunately it took us almost 2 years for us to notice this cycle.

2) How did you find out about TSW?
I will forever be grateful to ITSAN.org. Without them we would still be stuck in that awful cycle.

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
Our naturopath was a godsend, she also had never heard of TSW but was willing to go on this journey with us. We put her on a specific diet, no sugars, specific supplements based off of certain testing we did, lots of water & coconut juice. As far as her skin she couldn't tolerate anything on it or even touch so we had to do moisturizer withdrawal. Now we use coconut lotion from topical traditions but only after a bath. I am happy to say her skin now stays pretty hydrated. It took her about 7 months into TSW to barely tolerate a bath - we did Apple cider vinegar and dead sea salt. It would burn her at first but after a few minutes it would soothe the itching. Also taking pictures to help see the progress.The most helpful part for us was lots, I mean lots, of praying and having faith that she would overcome this incomprehensible journey.

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Not linear or fast healing.

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
Lots of positives now, we have grown closer as a family, learned that things are not always in our control and sometimes you have to let go and have faith. We are more cautious about our health and what we put into our bodies and now know to ask questions! We are our own advocates.

Jasmine NOW!

For me five words for this journey would be, True test of patience and faith. This journey not only hurt Jasmine but my husband, my son and I. Emotionally it tore us apart to see her in excruciating pain not laughing or playing full of life. Her brother and dad would have to leave the house during the times I would have to clean her up because they could not bear hearing her scream in agonizing pain. Physically all of us had no sleep, all of our health and wellbeing was put aside. Mentally my husband and I were at numerous breaking points, Jasmine would curse God for not giving her a break, we would question our faith and journey. Financially, we would call off work constantly and our bills were pilling up due to the numerous hospital visits, doctors appointments, traveling far to different doctors and not to mention her Naturopath visits and supplements were pretty pricey and not covered by her insurance. Now we are rebuilding all of this, the scar is definitely there for all of us. Knowing that this could've been preventable kills me still...

To follow Jasmine's inspirational Instagram account, click here.

Thank you to the amazing Jennifer for sharing Jasmine's story with me <3

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)
Stephanie Miller (here)
Holly Dillon @GetYourSkinOut (here)
Me (here)
Keisha Gregson (here)
Douglas Maddy & Charlie (here)
Gillian Breslin (here)

Love & hugs,
Cara x

Trich Pics

This post was inspired by a photo that came up on Facebook a while ago informing me it was taken exactly seven years ago. When I saw it again, I was shocked - not only because it can't have been seven years ago (WHERE IS THE TIME GOING!?!) but more than anything, because I couldn't believe how thin my eyebrows were. It got me thinking about what other photos of me have been taken over the years that show signs of the compulsions I tried my best to hide from the world for so long. I don't have many photos from my teens (the time when I started picking and pulling) because I threw a lot of them away as it was a generally unhappy time for me and in those photos, either my eczema was bad and I didn't want to be reminded of it, or I could see in my eyes how unhappy I was. If there are any teenagers reading this who are struggling and have been told your formative years are the best time of your life, ignore them.

After doing some digging, I managed to find quite a few photos which to anyone else, might look like there is nothing else going on but to me, tell a very different story. Like I said, these photos only offer a glimpse that there was anything wrong as I became a master of hiding my compulsions. A small part of me wishes I had taken photos of my skin when my trichotillomania and dermatillomania was at its worst, like I have with my TSW journey, but to be perfectly honest, I'm glad I don't have any as I'm not sure I ever want to see what I actually did to myself. Some things are best left in the past.

I have said before that the lines between my trichotillomania and dermatillomania are blurred as in the past I have had to really pick at my skin to get out a hair but regardless, damage is damage - whether it's down to trich or derma.

I hope the photos help anyone suffering with either condition remember that they are not the only ones fighting or hiding something because they feel embarrassed, scared or alone.

***

The following photo was taken on 16th July 2007. I was pretty good at covering all the marks I made with concealer but there were some that even make-up couldn't cover so may I present to you, my right eyebrow for inspection.

The photo on the left is from New Year's Eve 2009 and the photo on the right is from 11th February 2010. Around the time these photos were taken, I think I'd call myself a 'high-functioning' trichster, which meant I was still pulling, but was able to keep the destruction I normally caused down. At the time, I had a boyfriend and found that when I wasn't single, it was easier to control my compulsions ... I suppose the knowledge someone is going to see your skin is a pretty good incentive not to.

***

I hadn't been on my singing channel until recently when my mum looked at one of my old videos and showed me my eyebrows. In two particular videos (here) and (here), my eyebrows look almost drawn in. Eye pencils as a means of hiding my trich has never worked out well for me...

***

The next couple of photos are from two separate occasions in October 2011 where I'd just done a lot of damage to my legs. In the photo on the left, I was scared because I thought I had given myself a serious infection and in the photo on the right I remember feeling really upset because my legs were so bad and thought I would never be able to wear them bare again. I just felt awful but what do you see in these photos? A girl smiling, carefree... Looks can be deceiving. You might see a person and conjure up all these images of their life but remember, most people are putting on a front, hiding their fears and problems from everyone. In both photos I was with people I cared about and still enjoyed myself but the thought of the state of my legs was constantly gnawing at my insides. 

When I was going through TSW, I was a little more lenient with photos of myself as, let's be real, my skin wasn't looking its best, so what's a few more scabs and wounds? The photo on the left is from Friday 26th July 2013 and the photo on the right is from Friday 6th September 2013.

Even full body flaring couldn't stop me from picking/pulling at my legs and the only reason I took this in the first place was because I was going through a MUCH calmer phase with my compulsions (along with a cleverly angled camera), taken on Saturday 14th December 2013. Even with a more relaxed attitude to showing my skin, my legs were still an area that I was uneasy photographing and that is why I have so few photos of my legs throughout withdrawal.

I don't think I need to elaborate on the next photo, taken on Wednesday 8th October 2014.

The next two photos were taken very shortly after recovering from TSW (on Monday 17th August 2015 & Sunday 30th August 2015). I let the little 'misdemeanors' slide on my eyebrows as they didn't look too bad...

And lastly, one final photo of my legs taken on Sunday 8th November 2015, cut off just before my Trich/Derma got bad. The few marks shown were only a preview of what happened 'off camera'.

Love & hugs
Cara xxxx

5 QUESTIONS WITH: Gillian Breslin

When I did an Instagram stories poll recently asking for feedback about what you'd all like to see when I relaunched this blog, a very high percentage (about 97%) of you voted in favour of me bringing back my '5 QUESTIONS WITH' series. I even had some messages explaining exactly why it needed to come back and I can't tell you how happy that makes me as I absolutely love working on these posts and highlighting some of the incredible members of our ever-growing community, so it brings me great pleasure to welcome Gillian to my blog. I have known of Gillian's story for a while and was over the moon when I read she had made a full recovery from TSA. She looks absolutely incredible now and even has her own skin-related YouTube channel (here) so without further ado, I'll hand it over to Gillian:

Gillian during withdrawal.

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.
I am a 24 year old girl that was born in Scotland. I was born with eczema (or sensitive skin) and my mum was prescribed hydrocortisone when I was a baby. I was then prescribed fucibet as hydrocortisone was no longer strong enough - I remember my mum applying this all over when I was a toddler. My skin was constantly inflammed and infected so antibiotics were always being prescribed along with moisturiser. I remember scratching all night and genuinely believe that this took a toll on my education as I was tired and agitated during my school years. The doctor would constantly refuse to take out an allergy test. I used steroid creams that were prescribed to me daily from my teenage years. When I hit the age of 22, they stopped working and had no other choice but to withdraw. 

2) How did you find out about TSW?
My symptoms were getting worse and as I wasn't getting answers from my doctor, I turned to the internet. I would spend hours searching online and trying expensive remedies then tried turning vegan. None of this helped. I stumbled upon ITSAN.ORG and my symptoms ticked all the boxes. Telling my friends, family and doctors about this was hard as they all failed to believe it was the steroids that caused my symptoms. Eventually after having enough proof to show them, my friends and family started to believe in TSW.

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
I literally tried everything. I would spend up to 8 hours in the bath in salted water to provide comfort. I would go days without any sleep. Tried all the elimination diets and found that cutting out caffeine and refined sugar helped. I was then admitted into hospital with multiple infections and I had problems breathing. I was put on morphine, was given baths daily and was wrapped in zinc and ichthammol bandages which were able to provide some comfort. I was then put on sleeping medications, mood enhancers, co-codamol 30/500, oral MRSA anti-biotics and IV MRSA antibiotics, 3 different types of anti-histamines and diazepam. (Only some of the medications I was on but the most effective). I discharged myself from hospital and slowly started to get better with the help of Zinc + Ichtammol cream mixed with 50:50 cream. I am no longer on any medication, I only use the creams.

Gillian NOW looking absolutely amazing!

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Heartbreaking, debilitating, torture, devastating but strengthening.

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
It will break you down, you will hit rock bottom but it makes you stronger than ever. I have gained so much knowledge from TSW. I have realised that there are major flaws in the healthcare system and we need to stick together and fight for a massive review and re-education on Topical Steroids.

Gillian has a wonderful YouTube channel which can be found here and for her Instagram, click here.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me <3

If there is anyone you'd like me to interview who inspires you within our community, please get in touch.

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)
Stephanie Miller (here)
Holly Dillon @GetYourSkinOut (here)
Me (here)
Keisha Gregson (here)
Douglas Maddy & Charlie (here)

Much love,
Cara x
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Blogging return, update and GIVEAWAY!

Welcome back to my site after a blogging holiday I never intended to take - it was more the case that everything in my life forced me to pack my little TSW blogging suitcase and up sticks for a while. It's been a crazy few months to say the least and even though my blog might be back, I'm not promising there will be regular posts and there might even be a few weeks at a time where you'll hear nothing from me. This is because I want to keep my small piece of the internet as a hobby and something I do only when I can with no pressure, as I've already put enough of that on myself recently. This blog was so important to me in the two years after withdrawal and I'm so glad I documented exactly what happened during that time, both mentally and physically.

Before I say anything else, I wanted to thank you all for the most incredible response to my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA. I wrote it more than anything for myself; as a way of closing a door on that 'chapter' of my life and to be able to have all the information from that period of time in one place, so for people to actually buy it and leave such lovely reviews, comments and posts was more than I could ever have wished for and made the end of 2017/the beginning of this year so wonderful. Thank you <3 It is available worldwide on Amazon in paperback and eBook format and for the UK link, click here and for those in the US, click here... or keep reading this post for a little giveaway ;)

Life in my blogging absence has been nothing short of insane - that's not because I've been doing lots of different things, more that my time has been taken up doing one thing in particular: writing. I don't know what it was exactly but at the end of last year in November when I wrote/worked on CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA, it gave me such focus and drive to work and work and work until writing was my career. Since then, I have been doing exactly that; writing before and after work, hiding away at weekends, not seeing friends and making sacrifices which I hope will pay off in the end.

I have been working a lot on my self-published chick lit series, WEIGHTING TO LIVE; re-editing them all, writing a new short story as part of it and very soon I will be giving all the books new covers before doing my damnedest to get the series out there. I've also been working on a novel that fills me with joy and something else VERY exciting which I cannot wait to share with you all very soon... I suppose you could say that writing isn't exactly the easiest career path I could have chosen for myself but I don't care as I love it and if nothing happens at the end of it then hey ho, I've enjoyed the journey and have a pretty special hobby to show for it. TSW taught me the most important thing is to not give up, so I won't.

I will chat about how my skin has been in a few weeks' time (although it's not like I've got much to say on that front) and have some posts lined up for you already, but do let me know what you'd like to see on this blog and I will do my best to make it happen.

In a bid to not go on too long, let's move on to the giveaway. As a thank you, I am giving away one free copy of my book, CURING MY INCURABLE ECZEMA. The giveaway is open WORLDWIDE and all you need to do in order to win it is to simply comment on this post or my latest Instagram photo relating to the giveaway or email me at tswcara @ hotmail (dot) com. You don't need to be subscribed or what have you, just write a simple message/comment telling me in a sentence or two about your own skin journey - that's it. I'll choose a winner at the end of this month (31st May) and will reveal the name of the person on 1st June in a post and also send a private message, so make sure there is some way for me to contact you if you win!

I wanted to finish off by saying that in exactly a month's time it will be five years since I started my TSW journey. Five years in which I completely changed my life and ended up with skin I had only dreamed about for so long. TSW is the best thing I've ever done and while it may have taken so long to get better, that time has now passed and here I am with no skin condition and a new outlook on life.

I will be back very soon so until then, I am sending hugs & healing your way,
Cara xxx

P.S. You can follow me on Twitter @authorcaraward <3 Twitter is something I have wanted to use again for a while now and after pushing through some silly shyness, here we are. It would be lovely to see you over there!
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