My Topical Steroid Withdrawal update – Month 37

It's been quite a month for me! Definitely one of the hardest emotionally - TSW is only a small reason why though so don't worry. On my 3 year anniversary on 6th June, I took that as the start of a new phase in my life and it's brought up a lot of issues that need to be addressed. All to do with decisions and experiences over the last 17/18 years that have shaped who I am as a person and stopped me from doing so much and going for what I really want. I have done a lot of thinking and it's been at times immensely painful. TSW truly opened the door for me to deal with these issues and it's yet another reason why I will be eternally grateful that I went through this. I know it's something that I need to do if I want to move on and achieve everything I want in life. I feel like I'm getting there but it's going to take a long time to undo years upon years of thinking a certain way. Moving on now, I have a lot to mention about my skin in the last month which I will try my best to cover below:

• From Tuesday 14th June I had a really bad cold and concurrently had minor lumpy/pimply skin on my chest, torso and back. 
• On the weekend of the 18th & 19th June I noticed my skin was also a little more lumpy on certain areas of my torso - not itchy or anything, just there. I will add that over that weekend, I worked 25 (full on) hours and my cold was pretty terrible. 
• From Monday 20th June I got a little rashy (very minor) on my torso. I took some antihistamines over the next few days and it calmed down. The cold was still very bad I think because I didn't have any time to recover from it. Because the rash had calmed down, I didn't take an antihistamine on Thursday evening and the following morning, I woke up and was a little more rashy on my torso, back and chest area. I took an antihistamine after that every day for about a week.
• On the weekend of the 25th/26th June, I was really unwell with my cold and the rash started to get irritated on my chest, torso and back - I also had a few lumpy, pus-filled spots. I went to the doctors on Sunday and they said I had acute sinusitis and I tried where possible to rest over the weekend.
• The following week the rash didn't get any better - it was completely stagnant - and over time, my anxiety grew and I spent sleepless nights panicking about it. The rash itself wasn't bad AT ALL - so much so that I found it hard to even take a photo of it, it was that faint - but it really messed with my mind. I was terrified of what could happen. On the evening of Thursday 30th June I really worked myself up and cried a lot. The next morning I woke up and it had got so much better. The strange thing is, I don't think it had anything to do with TSW - I think it was Urticaria brought on from feeling extremely run down both mentally and physically, having a very bad cold that developed into sinusitis and not looking after myself. Today, it has nearly gone. Bar the mystery rash, my skin itself has been wonderful - I have had no problems with my hands apart from a minute rash on my right knuckle that lasted a day and my face has been INCREDIBLE! I think more than anything what this month has done is hit home what a toll it takes on us emotionally. I've come out of TSW with better skin than I've ever had in my life but I think it will take a lot longer to deal with the fear that I have talked about on this blog before. Someone on my Instagram page mentioned it's like a type of PTSD and I am inclined to agree. I am lucky as I have a great support network and am generally a very happy person but for us as a collective to have to deal with this on our own, without the proper help we need, is shocking. I hope things change soon, I really do.

I know what I said above probably came off as quite negative, especially as I talk a lot about the immensely profound and positive elements of going through TSW, but I want this blog to be an honest account of how life is after TSW. I haven't taken too many photos of my skin this month because of everything and I haven't had time today to take any more photos but the skin on my face and hands hasn't changed so I hope the selection below are still ok!

We will all get through this <3

Cara xxxx

Trying to take a photo of the rash on my torso (and failing).