I am excited to share this post with you as it relates to something that has had a big effect on me: therapy.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be saying that I would have thought you were joking because for most of my life, I found the notion of therapy, and psychiatry in general, a total waste of time – besides, I was 'fine', I didn't need it ... Then along came TSW which changed my perspective on everything. Suddenly, I was more open-minded and willing to see things a little differently.
Earlier this month I was offered a complimentary session at The Blue Tree Clinic in Wimpole Street, London, and it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I felt, for some reason, relieved. I think the idea of therapy had been building up inside me for many months so the timing couldn't have been more perfect.
I have discussed my battle with anxiety and panic attacks in the past and the fact that I definitely think I have some kind of PTSD from going through withdrawal. I have also discussed how meditation has been beneficial for my symptoms, but the problem with meditation, even though it is wonderful, is that it acts like a balm, masking problems, making everything appear to be better, but not actually getting to the root cause. I suppose it works a bit like topical steroids – suppressing symptoms instead of treating them then when you stop, BAM! Hello anxiety, how I've missed you, old friend ...
When I am in the throes of anxiety, it feels like I am in a caught in a tornado, trapped in the centre, my thoughts twisted, and you cannot understand what is happening as it is all moving so fast – but then suddenly, it's gone again, leaving you shaken and confused. It can come out of nowhere, too, leaving you no time to process your thoughts as your mind is spinning at such an alarming rate, and you try to think, to gain perspective, but you can't as you are already swept away by it.
At The Blue Tree Clinic, I first spoke with psychiatrist Dr Mark Silvert who then referred me to Dr Hadassah Lipszyc, a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist. We had our session on Thursday 25th May 2017 and I thought it might be helpful to blog about my experience.
The session started with us talking about my background and everything I had been through with my skin. Going into it, I had this fear I would find it hard talking to essentially a stranger about things I wouldn't even share with some of my friends, but it didn't take long before I was at ease and comfortable enough to say exactly how I was feeling.
I will obviously not be going into any detail about what was said, but we discussed many ways I could potentially manage my anxiety when it strikes, and also come to terms with some of the events that have shaped my life. She made me see things from another perspective and gave me some tools to help me combat my anxiety through a mixture of breathing techniques and shifting my way of thinking, turning the tables on how I view my anxiety.
What surprised me was how much we were able to cover in one forty-five-minute session. Her advice and understanding about the way our minds rationalise things was spot on and afterwards, I started doing a lot of thinking. Suddenly, I had all these feelings bubbling up inside me, almost as if they were coming to the surface, and I felt like I had opened wounds that wouldn't close until I found a way to heal them. I cannot begin to comprehend how beneficial regular therapy would be, and even though my session was complementary, it's certainly not my last. In the last four years, I feel like I have tackled all these huge personal milestones, like TSW and Trichotillomania, but there is still this gaping hole left by anxiety that needs to be addressed.
What I think the biggest gift of therapy is is that it truly makes you realise that you are not alone – all these terrible feelings you experience manifest in others, too. We are all so different, but at the same time, so very similar. We should take comfort in the fact that everyone is going through something and there is nothing wrong with you as you are only human.
I would like to thank Dr Mark Silvert and Dr Hadassah Lipszyc at The Blue Tree Clinic for this wonderful opportunity.
I hope you have found this post helpful, and for more information on The Blue Tree Clinic, you can visit their website, www.thebluetreeclinic.com.
You are not alone.
Cara xxxx
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