TSW. Trichotillomania. Books. Life.

5 QUESTIONS WITH: Stephanie Miller


Another week, another 5 QUESTIONS WITH this time featuring Stephanie Miller. Stephanie and I have been Instagram friends for months now but as her account is about her life generally and not focused on her TSW experience, I wasn't aware of what she had been through, until recently, when she emailed me her skin story and after reading it, I just knew I had to interview her.

I don't think there will ever be a time where I am not amazed by how similar all our experiences are and it again hits home just how much things need to change. I'll get down off my soapbox now and hand it over to Stephanie:

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and your skin journey.
Well, my name is Stephanie :) I grew in the Bay Area, California, and I've been living in NYC for 5 years. I'm an actor and teaching artist and babysitter and all of those artsy things us actors do to survive ;) I love theater, yoga, independent movies, cozy coffee shops, and a good pun. 
My skin issues all started when I was about 6. I was definitely in elementary school at the time. I developed regular eczema when I started a new school, and my parents took me to the dermatologist. That's when they started to give me 'rash medicine' as my family always called it. I never went to bed without putting "medicine" on my skin. They eventually stopped working, and the doctor kept prescribing more potent ones as my body became 'immune' to the less potent ones. That's what the doctors always said was happening...*eye roll*. I remember having tubes of all types of steroids all over the house, especially the tiny tester ones. Doctors would always give me handfuls of those. I used every topical steroid under the sun until they prescribed Clobetasol when I was 14. 

During the summer before high school, my family moved to a new town, and I remember my skin getting better. Between high school and college, eczema was never an issue. I may have put dabs of steroids on my skin every now and then, but it definitely burned out as doctors said it would. However, during the summers between college, I started working at a summer camp in my old hometown. Within 3 weeks, my eczema came back. But then, when I would fly back to Massachusetts where I went to school, the eczema would go away. By my fourth summer at the summer camp, my eczema returned ferociously. I went to the dermatologist where they immediately gave me Clobetasol and Protopic. They said use the Protopic regularly, and the Clobetasol occasionally. Well, the Protopic didn't work...so I used Clobetasol...and boy did that work wonders. I am pretty positive that's when my addiction started.

After that summer, I moved to NYC. It was September 2011. My skin was still a major struggle, but I didn't let it stop me. I had my tube of Clobetasol just in case. For the record, I used it as prescribed...."twice a day (morning and night) for 2 weeks". Usually I would only need it for a week, then my skin would clear up! But, as the story goes, when that week or 2 weeks of using the cream ended, my "eczema" would come back with a vengeance within 2 to 4 weeks. I thought I was allergic to the city, but I loved it too much to leave. From 2011 to the beginning of 2015, that was my struggle. My right palm suffered the most, but I would also get small patches on my arms, my torso, and legs. I knew I shouldn't be using steroids long term, so I tried to avoid it. I would only use it when my skin became unbearable. The relief was always worth it even if it only lasted a month, 2 weeks, or less. 



2) How did you find out about TSW?
Back in January 2015, I used topical steroids for the last time, and my "eczema" came back within a week and started to spread to places I had never seen it before... and it was spreading fast---the backs of my hands, big patches on my legs and arms, my left palm. That was a huge wake up call. I decided to take control of my "eczema", and went on the autoimmune protocol diet for 6 weeks. I was promised that I would see great healing after a month, but my skin only got worse and worse. As I was doing research on ways to heal eczema naturally, I kept coming across ITSAN. When I initially learned about it, I was in denial. I was convinced that if I kept up with my diet, I would heal. Well that didn't work. I stayed on a pretty strict diet for 5 months, and my skin only got worse. When I was about 2 months in or so, I began to look at pictures of other sufferers. That was when my gut told me what was happening. I felt like I was looking in the mirror when I saw those pictures. I also watched the educational videos that ITSAN has on their site, and those videos changed my life. 

3) Did you find that anything aided your healing?
Friends. Being with the people who made me feel like myself and treated me exactly the same. I always felt more alive after hanging out with the people I loved. You begin to feel dead and inhuman during this journey, and being with others always helped (even though I tended to isolate myself). 

Comfort TV. I watched a lot of shows that made me laugh. Laughing has always been a remedy for me and telling myself that it's okay to rewatch all 10 seasons of Friends or The Office was a huge helper. I guess I should say that those shows pushed me through the rough days when getting out of bed was the best I could do. 

I also started taking supplements back in June, and I'm pretty positive that they sped up my healing from then until now. The only frustration I have about the TSW Facebook community is that there's a lot of backlash against supplement recommendations. All I can say is that I am grateful that I took the risk and am happy to offer up any information.

4) Sum up TSW in five words.
Gross, burning, wet sand, endurance, transformative (that's 6!). 

5) What positives, if any, have you found from going through TSW?
There's 100% more positives than negatives. This journey made me realize how brave and resilient I am. TSW is not for the weak hearted, and it takes a brave soul to keep enduring the physical and psychological trauma. This experience is traumatic, and we can't deny that. But once you see how the body heals itself, you can't turn back. I was also hospitalized back in May of this year with a terrible blood infection and breast infection that made me go septic. I am pretty sure it was caused by all of the horrible factors affecting my body at the time. I was in the middle of a horrible anniversary flare, and I pushed my body too far...plus I remember scratching my boobs until they were raw...not a good idea! Fortunately, I made a full recovery...but that was another life lesson that showed me how resilient my body is. When I was in the hospital, they gave me tons of fluids, antibiotics, and a round of cortisone. That was a difficult decision to make. I was already 15 months into my withdrawal, and I didn't want to erase all of my hard work. However, I knew my life was in danger, and in those situations, you have to make serious sacrifices. My skin cleared up in the hospital. Woohoo! But within a week, my body started to withdraw again, and I was in a nasty withdrawal for a good 6 months after my discharge. Nevertheless, now, I'm doing really really well, and I can only trust that my body is getting stronger and softer by the day. 

To follow her fabulous *non-TSW* Instagram account, click (here).

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me Stephanie <3

And so that is my last 5 QUESTIONS WITH of the year. I hope you have enjoyed them as much as I have loved working on them and I will be returning in 2017 with many more, so watch this space!

Links to my previous 5 QUESTIONS WITH:
Henni @rawsomesoul (here)
Alice @healthy_healer (here)
Maleeha @TSWHealed (here)
Nina Sloan (here)
Nick @Eczemacism (here)
Stephanie & Isaiah Quinn (here)
Stephanie @TheItchyConundrum (here)
Josh @Redskinrecoverydiary (here)
Briana @PREVENTABLE (here)
Melanie Lynch (here)

Stay strong guys <3
Cara xxxx

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